Monday, May 4, 2009

One-sentence Reviews: Obsessed and Wolverine - Movie-Goer’s Journal – Part V

Inspired by Fox’s written-in-ten-minutes stream of consciousness tirade over Wolverine, which went by the reasoning that some films only deserve ten minutes of our time, I decided that in the future I would devote no more than a sentence to review bummer movies that leave me at a loss for words.

In Obsessed, a film I viewed along with clusters of chatty teenage girls tending toddlers (babysitting? their own?), the silly, formulaic Fatal Attraction plot is just an excuse for setting up a ridiculous combat in which a fierce housewife (Beyoncé Knowles) protects her hubbie (Idris Elba) from being seduced by a white chick, by kicking said white chick’s butt (belonging to Ali Carter) all over the threatened household.

Watching X-Men Origins: Wolverine, with its many Watchmen parallels, its empty action, Wolverine’s silly and poorly animated leap from motorcycle to helicopter, and the bloated boxing mutant who looks like Ben Stiller doing his boob-jiggling song at the end of Dodgeball, made me pledge never to see another superhero movie.

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